Post by Vortex on May 30, 2012 8:45:26 GMT -5
I don't know how many people still come to this site regularly enough to read this it's been so long, but for the good of my conscience, I feel this must be said. This is going to be some kind of apology for not having been around for so long and me seeking redemption for my selfishness.
It's been, what, almost two years? Two years... it's unthinkable... I can't even imagine what possessed me to just up and leave for so long. I'm really quite angry with myself. To simply disappear without so much as a word... such a thing is unconscionable to me.
Though to some of you this may not seem like such a big deal. "Oh, I guess Vortex has disappeared. Maybe life finally caught up with him and he just doesn't have enough free time anymore."
And whilst that's true to a point, it doesn't excuse my actions. There was absolutely no reason for me to leave it this long. There were some things going on in my life that I needed to sort out that prevented me from being around at about the time I left, but they were dealt with long ago now. I can only presume that I got set in my ways and just continued to ignore that which I felt I had already severed all my ties to, though I honestly can't imagine how that impression got into my head. I know all too well that once that happens, it's very difficult to reverse. I'm adamantly opposed to change by nature, am a master procrastinator, and hate facing unpleasant truths.
Now, please don't mistake this as me putting some sort of elevated, nebulous value on my mere presence. I simply feel as if I've somehow done you all some terrible wrong by vanishing only to turn up again years later. I can't just waltz back in out of the blue as if nothing happened. You deserve better than that. A largely unjustified absence of this long deserves some form of explanation.
I might also add that time seems to pass me by at a rather unsettling pace. One minute I can be thinking how fast time has flown by, and before I know it, it's literally a few months later or even the next year, and I'm doing the same again. I'm practically convinced at this point that I do not appreciate the flow of time or notice it actively passing as much as other people. This doesn't excuse what I did, but I hope it will go some way towards explaining it. When I ignore something, I really ignore it, until I just can't take it anymore, as so in this case. This is easily one of my biggest flaws as a person.
And now I can't take it anymore. I have to face up to my dreadful treatment of others; whether perceived or actual. People like YR, Ludwig, Ice, Hungry, Othin, RNK, Toadster, and others; people who I either considered friends in the relatively short time I'd known them, or at least acquaintances whom I knew of and respected. All of you have provided me with fond memories in one form or another.
Already it seems like so much has changed and that things won't be the same again; so much time needlessly squandered. This isn't the first time something of a similar nature has happened to me and I can't change the way I am, I can only apologise after the fact.
That's really all I have to say, though something's bound to come to me later. Probably a little melodramatic, but I really don't care. I'm tired, this was hastily written, and I needed to get this out of my system or I would've gone insane with guilt.
---
Also please note that when I refer to my leaving throughout that ramble I'm not so much referring to the fact that my use of this site ceased, but more so I mean to say I left and never had anything more to do with the people who use it like those listed above... but I hope you could already tell that.
-Vortex
It's been, what, almost two years? Two years... it's unthinkable... I can't even imagine what possessed me to just up and leave for so long. I'm really quite angry with myself. To simply disappear without so much as a word... such a thing is unconscionable to me.
Though to some of you this may not seem like such a big deal. "Oh, I guess Vortex has disappeared. Maybe life finally caught up with him and he just doesn't have enough free time anymore."
And whilst that's true to a point, it doesn't excuse my actions. There was absolutely no reason for me to leave it this long. There were some things going on in my life that I needed to sort out that prevented me from being around at about the time I left, but they were dealt with long ago now. I can only presume that I got set in my ways and just continued to ignore that which I felt I had already severed all my ties to, though I honestly can't imagine how that impression got into my head. I know all too well that once that happens, it's very difficult to reverse. I'm adamantly opposed to change by nature, am a master procrastinator, and hate facing unpleasant truths.
Now, please don't mistake this as me putting some sort of elevated, nebulous value on my mere presence. I simply feel as if I've somehow done you all some terrible wrong by vanishing only to turn up again years later. I can't just waltz back in out of the blue as if nothing happened. You deserve better than that. A largely unjustified absence of this long deserves some form of explanation.
I might also add that time seems to pass me by at a rather unsettling pace. One minute I can be thinking how fast time has flown by, and before I know it, it's literally a few months later or even the next year, and I'm doing the same again. I'm practically convinced at this point that I do not appreciate the flow of time or notice it actively passing as much as other people. This doesn't excuse what I did, but I hope it will go some way towards explaining it. When I ignore something, I really ignore it, until I just can't take it anymore, as so in this case. This is easily one of my biggest flaws as a person.
And now I can't take it anymore. I have to face up to my dreadful treatment of others; whether perceived or actual. People like YR, Ludwig, Ice, Hungry, Othin, RNK, Toadster, and others; people who I either considered friends in the relatively short time I'd known them, or at least acquaintances whom I knew of and respected. All of you have provided me with fond memories in one form or another.
Already it seems like so much has changed and that things won't be the same again; so much time needlessly squandered. This isn't the first time something of a similar nature has happened to me and I can't change the way I am, I can only apologise after the fact.
That's really all I have to say, though something's bound to come to me later. Probably a little melodramatic, but I really don't care. I'm tired, this was hastily written, and I needed to get this out of my system or I would've gone insane with guilt.
---
Also please note that when I refer to my leaving throughout that ramble I'm not so much referring to the fact that my use of this site ceased, but more so I mean to say I left and never had anything more to do with the people who use it like those listed above... but I hope you could already tell that.
-Vortex